Since i have been a little more nomadic than usual the past 18 months or so, i do not have a very good idea where my things are. I do not think of myself as very materialistic, but i do have some things that i enjoy quite a bit and like to keep on hand. One recent example was the search for fiction before the Mexico trip and my inability to locate all of Asimov’s Foundation Universe novels and Herbert’s Dune novels. Another more recent example is the unfulfilled desire to watch some films on DVD, since i do not know where my DVDs are right now.
Hanuman Temple, Tamil Nadu, with Sarala
A quick bit of background. I came home from India and soon thereafter moved to Arizona. After a year in AZ, i moved back East, originally setting-up in my old suite in my folks’ basement in PA. I was splitting my time between PA and Richmond (RVA) and other points further south, and my grandfather was soon to return to PA to stay with my folks for about 6 months.
Peavine trail in Prescott, AZ with Jake
I closed out my grandpa’s house in Brandon, MS and drove his bedroom set to PA. I packed up my stuff quickly and took it to the family storage shed and set-up the basement with all of my grandfather’s gear. I did all this very quickly, because i was always eager to get back to RVA to see a girl. I also was expecting at that time to have a job in RVA soon and to move back down there. That project got delayed and complicated for reasons that are best suited to another discussion.
The point is that i packed my stuff quickly and haphazardly. Some of my books were put in wine boxes, most in paper bags or backpacks. Some things went out to the storage shed, and some were hidden in closets or under the stairs or the attic at my folks’ place.
Another factor to add to the chaos. During this period i remodeled the first floor of my folks place. I took everything apart and rebuilt it. So, we had to move a lot of things around in order to make room for that project. After that, we had a painter come in and do the whole house – another period of rapid packing and moving of items. And that was capped off with my remodel of the bathroom in the basement. Keeping track of exactly what is where has not been easy.
Yesterday i said ‘Enough’! In addition to wanting to find my stuff and get it organized, i was also without my computer as it was getting its Superdrive replaced at the Apple store. I spent an hour or so at the storage shed, and two hours at home collecting books and looking for other things. Then i began sorting…
The Sorting Floor
*by this late hour, my laptop was back and smart enough to read CDs and DVDs again.
The boxes i bought on the first run to the store are way too big to deal with books. So, despite weariness and the late hour, i went back out to find small boxes. Without putting some order to this mess, i would have no place to sleep.
As you can probably tell from the lack of talk about running, i have not done any since it got really cold about mid November. I could have used a trial pass at my folks’ gym, but i am still a little wigged about going to the gym, and i am mot sure that if i do go to a gym, that i want to go to my folks’ gym.
But, i have done most of my stretching routine the past two mornings. I have also started doing my floor exercises again (also two days now) – the two kinds of crunches, leg lifts, and push-ups. I would like to have this exercise re-start morph into a more rigorous version than last year. So far, i am hitting 25 on each of the crunches and leg lifts and 10 push-ups. In addition to doing these everyday, i would like to start doing morning and evening sessions. It is really not a vast amount of exercise, so i should be able to do that.
The temp has hovered near 40 for a few hours around noon the past few days. There is enough snow melt that i believe i can start running again. I may try this out today.
My weight has stayed at about 197 through the roughly 3 months of limited exercise (and the 3 weeks of beer drinking in Mexico!). Again, i am not concerned about the number on the scale, nor i am i too concerned about the image in the mirror. I want to get healthier and stay that way. Aside from toning some muscles, i am trying to work up to getting 15 minutes of good cardio several times a week. I have a few smoke free months under my belt and i know that getting good cardio workouts will help my heart and lungs repair themselves. Also, as it warms up, the mountains begin to call. I want to do more hiking this season than i managed last year. Sleeping in my sleeping bag on my hiking air mattress helps keep those thoughts fresh in the mind.
Of course, job searching is still primary. Over the past 6 weeks of searching, i have applied for about 12 jobs. So, i really need to up my numbers. But of those, i was really interested in 4 of them, and two of them i would love to get. One of those is right here in Lancaster PA and i believe i have a good shot at that one.
Time will tell, and i need to keep focused on applying for more jobs, at least one a day would be nice.
Anyway – to all my fellow runners in hibernation, Let Us Take to the Streets!
On Thumb Butte - looking at Granite Mountain, Prescott AZ
I hope to write some more substantial entries soon. It has been difficult to find the time and motivation in the middle of job hunting. For now, we revisit the Spam Bin!
There were three new entries today with two standouts. One was the normal, poorly written/translated deal that goes something like this – ‘i stumble onto you thoughts and they are like thoughts i wish would fall from my head. Back come will i for plus plus’.
Then there were two new and innovative approaches to Spam – though both were still poorly written. The first of these went something like this – ‘i come your blog to find inspired. I find this not. You waste time and seek attention only with things you could fix if you want.’ Now let’s be clear – this could totally apply to me, and almost every other ‘first-person’ blogger. There may even be some entries in my blog that would warrant this admonition – but this was intended to be posted as a comment to the entry on Meditation. I think that is probably the least self-involved and self-indulgent entry on the whole blog. And, the email address of the “person” who tried to post this was something like [email protected].
The final example for today was a new form of clever. “I left a comment on your blog one time and signed for mail about replies. Now i get mails 4 times in the day about comments. This every day and all are Spam. Can fix so no more will this happen?” Wow – it almost got me for a micro-second. But the good side of having an obscure blog with an incredibly small readership – i know everyone who has an approved comment personally, and i also am ‘signed for mail about replies’ so i would be getting those same messages. But still – a nice attempt.
I do welcome comments of all sorts and would approve and share comments that presented less than flattering impressions of me and the blog. If you ‘come my blog to find inspired’ and find only a whiny self-indulgent fellow, comment away and i will share it – so long as you are a real human and not a spammer, phisher, or other nefarious electro-being. I have to protect my two dedicated readers, 10 regulars, and the other 10-20 people who sometimes drop in…
Camels and Gas - Northern Qatar near Al Ruis - 2005
Breaking tradition by not burying the lead – I splurged and bought the Dr. Dre Beats Tour in-ear headphones and I am quite pleased.
I believe I have mentioned that I tend to live in headphones while in the US. For about 15 years I bought $20 Koss over the ear studio style cans and loved them. The sound was decent, they were comfortable, they had a nice long cord with in-line volume control, and when I eventually broke them (about once or twice a year), they were not too expensive to replace.
This became problematic once I got the iPhone. I did not want to have to carry multiple devices, or multiple headphones (and I cannot hold a phone to my face – I just can’t do it), so I started trying out in-ear phones with in-line mic and controls. I have no idea if the standard Apple buds sound good or not because they will not stay in my ears for more than 3 seconds. I got some Skull Candy Full Metal Jackets (FMJ) and I loved them. They were super comfortable. The braided cord inspired confidence in terms of longevity and lack of tangles. The sound was very good as well – over a wide range of musical styles. I let my dad try them and he also really liked them.
I gave him my pair before he left for a business trip and I got a new pair. Without doing anything strange or pulling on the cord – one of the speakers was dead inside of 4 days. When my dad got back from his trip, one of his speakers was dead also. We got them both replaced and had the same problem inside of a week. I then tried the 50/50s and got the Smokin’ Buds for my dad. The 50/50s lasted about 3 weeks before one speaker went dead. Just like the FMJs, the fit was nice and the sound was good, but they broke.
My dad’s Smokin’ Buds lasted about 5 weeks, and they were much less comfortable than the others. They also did not sound as good.
I found a pair of Body Glove buds that sounded decent and were in between Smokin Buds and FMJs in terms of comfort – but the cord is weird. It is much shorter on one side than the other which causes a lot of strange tension and pulling.
Then I found some really decent Sony’s. Good comfort, decent price (about 30 bucks), reasonable sound. I gave the Body Gloves to my dad.
I have been through 3 sets of the Sony’s – one I gave to my dad (he lost the Body Gloves), one broke when I stepped on them, and one I still have as a back-up set.
I decided to try something else and jump up a quality class because while the Sony’s are decent – they do not seem designed to handle a wide range of music. They have no low-end at all. I am not a bass-a-holic, though I do listen to The Rap Music. But you do not have to listen to rap to both need low-end and miss it when it is absent. I noticed the problem with the Sony’s while in Mexico listening to some of my favorite Cuban music. Some of the low-end is bass and bass style traditional stringed instruments, and some is simply deep tones from hand-drums. Similar problems arose listening to ‘Kind of Blue’, some of my Indian chant/mantra tunes, and even Gymnopedies 1-3. (This is not the version I have but the closest I could find in terms of feel and tempo – though the tone is not as rich as the recording I use.) On the lowest volume setting possible, the low tones were starting to make the speakers rattle in that “we will die if you keep this up” kinda way. (I leave my EQ flat.)
After reading tons of reviews, and some in-store talks, I decided to give Dre a shot, partially because I really love the sound and comfort of the Beats Studio Cans. (They are cheaper at apple – and to me the sound and comfort kicked the crap out of the V-Moda Crossfades – and I ain’t tryin’ no mo Skull Candy.) I also still like Monster cables and most of my problems have involved crappy cables. I was concerned about the negative side of the reviews of the Tours that reference the longer style of the buds and difficulty many people have with the fit and comfort. But Apple gives you 2 weeks to return no questions asked, so I decided to check it out.
* The new Bose in-ears get high marks from everyone on sound and comfort. I love Bose, but I decided not to try those because they are not “noise isolating”. Part of the point of all of this for me is to build my own little cone of mobile privacy and silence. So models that advertise that you can still hear your surroundings are not for me.*
I loved the sound right away. I started with the standard medium tips. I have tried every tip for every ear bud I have purchased and it is always the middle one that works best for me. On the second day, I tried the rest of the tips, finally trying the smallest set.
The smallest set is the answer for me. Reading the manual and learning the little trick to how to properly seat these in your ears to get a good seal also helped quite a lot. (Online download version – despite all the crap in the case and a partial manual, the full instructions on how to put these beasts in your ears were not included.)
On about the 4th day, when I had the buds out of my ears, my ears were a little itchy. I was conflicted because I was really enjoying the phones and they were comfortable while on, just uncomfortable when not on – oddly enough. Since I had 2 weeks, I decided to stick with it, and try the Bose if that weird feeling did not go away. The manual does say that there is a break-in period and that seems to be true.
After about 6 days, my ears felt normal and great with the buds in or out, and they sound even better now than they did before.
I have been trying to both be careful and use them normally. So far, no problems. I wear them on my dog walks through the streets and in the woods. There is no ‘cord noise’ as you move. Because of the way they make a seal over your ear canal, I can sorta hear/feel my footsteps in my head. That has lessened over time as well. I don’t know if it is getting better, or if I am getting used to it and just filtering it out.
Because of how they do fit in your ear, and the bud build design, they are definitely not for everyone, but if you need new ear buds with iPhone compatibility and in-line mic that treat your music right, and you are ready to drop some coin, and you can get them from a place with an ironclad trial period, check these out!
Rockin' the Tour Beats
* They may not work with all iPhone cases. I am an Otter Box guy, and they do work with the Otter Box – provisionally. Because of the design of the plug, you would only be able to have the cord extending out towards the back of the phone. This may not mesh with how you use the phone clip and/or slip it into your pocket, bag, etc. The flap that plugs the audio input hole on my Otter Box broke off many months ago so I have the option to have the cord extend to the front of the phone – which happens to mesh perfectly with how I use the clip and fit the phone in my pocket. You would not be able to turn the cord to the side left or right with an Otter Box. If you roll without a case, or use a much less substantial case, this may not impact your situation. Also – I am on the iPhone 3GS – I don’t know how this would play out with an iPhone 4.
All of this talk and thought about Meditation, and doing a quick write-up on the CDs i sent to Karen has made me recall many things about my time in India. The CDs come into play because one of them is mostly devotional songs for Lord Ayyappa – the patron saint of Sabarimala.
The historical/traditional story of Lord Ayyappa will come later (soon) as will the story of my pilgrimage there. For now i will just say that it is a holy site and a pilgrimage destination for Hindus from all over the world.
On the Way to Sabarimala - August 24, 2007
It is in Northern Kerala in a mountainous/heavily forested region. There are purification rituals that you undergo as far as 45 days before making your pilgrimage (no meat, booze, smokes, sex, impure thoughts, and so forth). You have a special pooja ceremony with a specific priest in the morning before you leave for your trip.
Depending on which of the two paths up the mountain you choose, you may (as i did) bathe in the holy river Pamba before making your ascent.
Cracker in the Pamba - August 24, 2007
You climb this mountain barefoot.
There are many, many other pilgrims with you on the trip. There would be anyway, but the site is only open to pilgrims a few specific times each year.
I am bringing this up because i do feel that it is time for me to begin writing and sharing more openly about my time in India and in the Mid East. I think that the story of the pilgrimage to Sabarimala may be a good place to begin.
Cows in the road - Way Home - August 25, 2007
Also – there was a terrible accident there last night and over 100 people died in a stampede.
The cause and details are a little sketchy right now and probably the “true story” will never be known.
It seems that vehicles were probably involved (there are not supposed to be any vehicles in the area) as well as incredibly poor infrastructure and planning for a site that gets predictably huge crowds at specific times every year.
While the whole incident is tragic and i am sending out good thoughts for all involved, i also do not yet know if any of my people we there at the time.
I have sent some mails out to my partners, employees, and friends and have not yet had any replies.
One of the reports states that only 5 Keralites were killed, though there are 8 unidentified bodies.
I do not think my guys were there at this time, but this is a special time of year cosmologically to be at Sabarimala.
A few of my guys - Red Bananas, Pettah, Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, India - 11/21/07
Anyway, some carefully crafted invective about organized religion, greed, poor leadership, poor government, and poor planning are sure to follow, but for now i just want to send out good thoughts and reflect on the unknown and the transitory nature of existence.
If ever we needed another reminder to make each moment count and to live each day to the fullest and to follow our dreams – to do what we love – this is a good one.
Over 100 people died on a holy pilgrimage to an ancient and sacred site where they hoped to share their faith and get closer to the spirit of God.
This story takes many forms – some more entertaining than others. I do not remember any of the really exciting ones, but I do remember the framework and the overall point (or at least one of them).
Imagine a woman, an ascetic, returned to the village after months in the forest seeking truth, meaning, and enlightenment.
She begins preaching and teaching. Sometimes she may speak at the well. Other times crowds may gather around her as she meditates under the tress, and she will teach them.
Her words move the people and they begin to follow her and quote her and treat her differently – as if she was better or even more sacred than other people.
Seeing this happen and being unable to stop it – she gathers the village together for a final lesson.
She tells the villagers that this will be the last time she will speak with them and the last time they will see her. She is going back to the forest. There she found peace and some truth. It was a simple and beautiful truth.
She came back to the village to try and share the truth – and more importantly to share some thoughts on the path to the truth so that everyone there could learn how to experience it for themselves.
But the people did not want to learn or seek, they wanted to be handed the truth. They could sense something of the truth in her words, but without the desire to search for themselves, they associated her with the truth. They confused the messenger and the message.
She said to them – the truth is like the moon, shining brightly in the sky for all to see. I am like a fisherman on the shore of a lake on a clear night pointing at the moon and saying to you all – Come and look at the moon. See how beautiful it is. You cannot be bothered. Instead of lifting your heads to look at the moon, you fall on your knees and worship my finger!
– – That is the essence of the Finger and the Moon parable. I had been thinking of this yesterday as I wrote the piece on meditation techniques and even more after some comments came in from another meditator and seeker who shared some of his methods.
Moon over Desert - Doha, Qatar - 2004
Hebbe pointed out a really obvious flaw that I had totally overlooked when considering sharing information on meditation to an audience with various levels of experience from ‘none’ to ‘a great deal’. I tried to focus on the flexibility of these methods and seeking a method that worked and felt comfortable for you. But I stayed a little hung up on a specific time window. In my tale, time is the finger and I was bowing down. I probably made other similar mistakes that I have not even found yet.
That prompted me to want to share the finger and the moon parable.
Be quiet – listen to music.
Say the words in your head – say the words out loud.
Close your eyes – open your eyes.
10-15 minutes – 3 or 4 minutes.
Alone – kids and dogs and cats.
It does not matter.
It matters that you start. It matters that you try.
As Hebbe says – “break the rules”. I can’t believe I did not say this either (thanks Chris).
Through “breaking the rules” you may learn that they are important, or you may learn that they are not important at all. You may be able to see why there are recommendations for one thing that may work for many people but does not work for you.
Anyway, I hope that helps. I hope you will try a little meditation. And, I hope I will do more of it as well.
I will not get back on the soapbox (not yet anyway), but when I was talking about all of this with my dad and the initial reasons for me writing about meditation to try to present a method to relieve anxiety to one of my friends he suggested that I mention exercise.
Regular readers know that I am working at getting back into better shape and that running is one of the main methods that I am pursuing (though I have been super slack since it turned cold). Vance is right. Exercise is a fantastic method to relieve stress and anxiety and to fight depression.
That’s it for now. I am going to take down my gigantic finger and go look for the moon…
I started writing this for a friend of mine and decided to post it to the blog as well. We all need some more peace in our lives and our brains. Here are some of the ways I try to get there. Please do share any of your methods!
For Karen,
I do not have any idea how much or how little you know about meditation so I am going to write as if you know nothing and forgive me if that comes of pedantic or condescending – because that ain’t where I am coming from.
The two most basic forms of meditation are counting breath and repetition of a mantra. For the purpose of this writing, I am just going to deal with meditation as a means to achieve some peace and relieve anxiety. The further metaphysical discussions about bliss, enlightenment, nirvana, God Consciousness, and all that other good stuff are for another time.
Counting Breath:
This is the one I use most often. There will be a few general notes at the end, but once you are settled and ready to begin – as you breathe in, count in your mind “one”. You do not say it actually out loud, but you do say it with some amount of verve inside your head. When you breathe out, you say in your mind, “one”.
Repeat the procedure for number two. Sounds easy? It is not. Here is the catch. Any time you have any thought at all – any thought at all – that is not “one” or “two” etc… you have to start over with breathing in at “one”.
I have been using this technique for over twenty years and I have never made it as high as seven. There are two main reasons for this. The basic one, and the first hurdle for everyone, is that I have too many thoughts and it is not easy to shut them down, even to just focus on one thing.
The second reason is better. If I do make it past three – I usually enter a deeper meditative state and cease counting and cease all thought before I make it to seven. This is a phenomenal feeling – though it can take years to accomplish. For a guy with a brain like mine, a state of “no thought” is as close to bliss or paradise as I can even conceive.
When I first started, I did this meditation two to three times a day at least 5 days a week for months – then off and on over the years. I wish I still did it more regularly.
You have to figure out what works for you with exactly “how to count”. Your breathing should be deep and even – and relaxed. Do you draw out “o n e” and try to make it last as long as the whole inhale, and then draw out “o n e” to last as long as your exhale? Do you simply count “one” and then focus on the breathing in, then again a short “one” and a focus on the exhale? I fall somewhere in-between. I do not drag the number out for the whole breath – that makes my mind too active and I end up with unintentional thoughts related to the counting and breathing. But if I go too short on the number, and just say “one” – especially in the early, first few minutes, the there is too much “empty space/time” as I complete the inhalation that my mind will invariably fill up with thoughts.
I know some people who do a more repetitive method – as they breathe in they count “one, one, one, one, one” (however many times) and then as they exhale “one, one, one, one, one” (however many times), and then move to “two, two, two…”. I have tried this and if my head is super cluttered and will not shut-up, I will use this technique for a few minutes – just to get settled.
There is no “right way” – you have to do what feels right to you. Since the whole point is to help you relax – using whatever method feels best to you is the answer, not trying to match your experience against the experience of others.
Repetition of a Mantra:
This has much in common with counting breaths. There are a lot of mantras. Some traditions believe that we each have our own special mantra that will help us achieve the best results. I am not sure about all that, but I have had some great meditation using a mantra. “Om” is always a good place to start. “Hari Krishna”, or simply “Krishna”, or “Om Namasivaya” or “Gayatri” are all good. But you do not need to use Hindu words. “Coco” or “Lego” or “Sunbeam” or “Orange” { ; ) } or pretty much anything else will also work just fine.
To begin, you could do it like counting breaths, just substitute your mantra where we spoke of numbers earlier. Because it is a simple repetition, there is no starting over, you just keep going. You can do the slow repetition “O r a n g e” on the inhale and again on the exhale – or simply “Lego, lego, lego, lego, lego….” over and over as you breathe.
While you do not start over, you have the same goal of focusing on your breath and the word and you do not want to have other thoughts. As with counting, once you get really settled, you should end up no longer saying the mantra and just “being” with no thought, in a really beautiful place.
I do generally prefer the counting breaths, but I like the carrot and the stick, the risk/reward of advancing or starting over. Sometimes though, I just want to chill and leave all that alone and I rock out with 15 minutes of “Om Namasivaya”.
General Notes:
As your body and your mind get used to doing this – they both look forward to it and will try to help you. This is part of why no one ever makes it to “10” by counting breaths. It gets to where even if you do not make it into a deep meditative state (which most of the time you – or anyone – will not) you still get some deep refreshment and peace out of the practice. These days, with my life as crazy and up-in-the-air as it is, I might make it to “three” on counting breaths – but I can feel myself fully relax just by the act of starting the process. The first time I breathe out “one” and I have made it that far – a breath in and a breath out with no other thought than “one” – “one” – I can feel the pressure and the weight and the anxiety roll off of me – and I consciously notice it happening – and that is a thought and I have to start over at “one”.
Form –
There are some particular positions certain disciplines use – but the most general and most basic position should work fine. (Let me know if any of these physical descriptions do not convey meaning effectively, and I will try again.)
Sit “Indian” style – legs crossed, ankles close to ground, knees up top. Many people recommend – if you are able, and comfortable doing it, sit “real indian” style with both ankles up on top of your knees and both knees closer to the ground.
I just use regular Indian – ankles down, knees on top. The point is to be comfortable.
There are many different theories about “hand posture” as well. I usually just leave them on my knees – left on left, right on right.
Sometimes I have them more in my lap – hands open, right over left – left “cradling” right – and right relaxed and open – as if ready to hold an avocado pit.
Some folks make symbols with their fingers. Here again – find something comfortable and stick with it.
Here at the beginning, the point is to find a position that you can get into easily, that allows you to keep your body “open” with decent posture and that you can hold without fidgeting (once you get settled).
You can meditate anywhere. It is probably best in the beginning to do it in a very quiet and safe room. On tour with my metal band, i did it in the car, or the back of a bar. Most people recommend that you close your pets out of the meditation room. I never do this. For me the infrequent times that my dogs have sniffed or licked me while I was meditating have been far less distracting than the gigantic uproar they would cause if there was a closed door between us. And I have been a nanny for my sister before. It is easier now that the kids are old enough to understand and respect “Uncle Nick needs 15 minutes of quiet time” and they can handle that without drowning or setting stuff on fire. But my first nanny duty was with a two-year old. I meditated during baby nap times. I left the baby door cracked and did my thing close enough that I could hear if I was needed. Believe me – even if you hit a really deep state – you will hear it and know if you are needed.
The babies and animals thing is definitely not the most ideal environment to meditate – especially to learn to start meditating – but as with all things, if you wait for perfect conditions, nothing would ever get done.
I generally meditate in bed. I sit indian style near the head of the bed. Maybe a pillow or two between me and the wall. Some people prefer chairs – some cushy that you can sit cross-legged in, some straight back and you just do feet flat on the floor, or cross ankles. Some like couches. Some like the middle of the floor. Some like against the wall. I really prefer outside, but you have to get your game in shape before you can pull that off. Sounds, bugs, wind, clouds, neighbors – they can all cause excess thoughts and defeat the purpose.
You want to do deep breathing, from the diaphragm. But as with all other parts of this, do not let the guidelines become a distraction. Breathe as deeply as you can easily and while relaxed, without ending up focusing on “how deep am I breathing? Is this enough?” – just something comfortable. In through the nose, out through the mouth. If out through the mouth is too hard or distracting, just using the nose is OK.
You do not want to close your eyes if you can help it. Sometimes you need to, depending on the environment – and occasionally it can be useful just as a way to help shut down the brain. But generally, let your eyes and your eyelids relax and you will end up with your eyes just barely open. Again – do whatever is easiest and feels best. If it is better or easier for you to just close them, then go ahead.
Posture – I get settled and try to sit with my back straight and shoulders back and chest open. Because I have so many years of poor posture that I am trying to defeat – sometimes I can hold this easily and comfortably – sometimes not. Once you get settled, take your mind out of it and let your body do what it wants. Sometimes I finish a session still in perfect posture. Sometimes I finish with my shoulders collapsed and my head almost in my lap. Huge pools of drool are also very common in my case. (I don’t wear “good” shirts for meditation.)
You want to have your meditation sessions be about 15 minutes. 10 is fine if that works better for your schedule. You do not want to start with longer than 15 minute sessions – or shorter than 10.
From years of practice, I am able to get into it within one minute or so of sitting down to start, and I get about twelve minutes of good time in.
When I first started, I would get set, and it would take probably 4 or 5 minutes of fidgeting and arguing with myself before I was able to shut up, let go, and get into it. This is expected and OK. For me it was stuff like “I think my sock is bunched up under my ankle. That is probably gonna hurt. I don’t know if I should move it.” And so on for 20 seconds before I decide to fix or remove my sock – and re-settle. Then it is my shirt bunching at the top of my pants near the small of my back. I fix that, then it is my hair. And on and on. Like I say, these kinds of things are expected, normal, and fine. You want to be still and settle down, but it is better to go ahead and fix anything distracting in the beginning instead of worrying about your hair tie for 15 minutes. If you can manage five good minutes out of 15 in the beginning sessions – that is awesome.
In the beginning, I set a gentle alarm to tell me when 15 mins was up. In case you do go deep, you do not want a jarring loud sound. You want to “come up out of it” gently. An alarm in another room – the timer on the microwave with you in a different room – something like that. These days, perhaps a cell phone timer or alarm set to vibrate would probably be decent (but not unless it would not make noise/motion for any other reason during this time – airplane mode?). After a while, your body knows and you don’t need it anymore. Do take a full minute at least before you stand up. Open your eyes, gently roll your head to stretch your neck. Slowly let yourself come back to full everyday consciousness.
A few other notes. I hesitate to put these in because these are some of the things I used as excuses not to meditate instead of guidelines on better meditation – but I believe it is better to have more information.
Because one of the points of this practice is to settle down and stop your brain, it is useful to have your body doing as few things as possible. This means that it is generally better to meditate before you eat or drink. Wake up, pee, and meditate was how one guru taught me.
If you meditate after you eat, your body is going to be doing the work of processing food while you are trying to settle down. If you have a cup of water, that may be ok, but no caffeine – though they say it is best to have nothing. Then meditate again about an hour before you want to eat dinner. This should be far enough away from lunch that your body has settled down, but not so far from dinner that your stomach will be growling from hunger. Drugs in all forms are highly discouraged for people seeking peace through meditation. In addition to the obvious ones like heroin and crack, this also means, tobacco, booze, caffeine, and sugar.
Karen, from the little bit I know about your daily affairs, I would imagine that once a day 15 minutes – probably mid-morning or early afternoon – whenever T-maximus takes a little nappy-break time, would be your ideal time. Do not sweat the food part, but do keep it in mind. I do not know where you are with caffeine these days, but that part is definitely good advice.
Meditating in front of a Kalianda mural - Thiruvananthapuram
– – I do intend to finish the travel journal, and without too much delay. There will be some other content mixed in, and hopefully I will be too busy with the job hunt and the work of my new job to spend much time on this each day.
I am trying to adjust to being back in the states, back in the cold, back at my parents’ house, and back at my parents’ house while my grandpa is here too. When my grandpa is here, he gets the suite we (my grandpa, dad, and I) built in the basement and I “move into” the living room. I am trying to channel the feelings i have about this situation into motivation for the job search instead of – other places.
There are good and bad elements of being “home”. Being with my dog Lucas is nice. Having a kitchen and creating good vegetarian food is nice. I made potato soup, stir fry, beans and rice with two uncommon red beans, a giant green salad, and a variety of lovely breakfasts. Seeing my family again is also nice. Having to drive again is not as nice. I miss the Collectivo and may look into the bus schedules around here.
Being around a vast sea of Americans is not as nice, and I am back to spending 70-90% of my waking hours with the headphones on. This actually started on the 5th in Tulum before I even left there for Cancun…
January 5th – Tulum
I woke up at 6, read for an hour, then packed and cleaned up my room. I walked to the ruins and got there just as they opened at 8 AM. It was nice to get to see them. They are less visually impressive as buildings than some other sites, but if you take in the complex as a whole, the remaining jungle, the protected beaches, the view from the cliffs, and think back on what life would or could have been like here hundreds or thousands of years ago – it was pretty cool.
Iguana Worshiping the Sun
By the time I was done and getting ready to leave, the first buses had arrived and while most of these tourists were poorly behaved (I guess it is a form of mob mentality) the Americans were the worst of the bunch. (We’re #1!) At almost every temple site, tourists look casually around, then step over the ropes indicating where we are not supposed to go, then they go there. They climb the steps and jump on the roofs. They mount the sacred shrines as well. Once the guards see them and ask them to stop, most people do, but a few groups of people argue with and then yell at the guards. Who are these people? In every case, my country-men and women – Americans. “We were not the only ones doing it, why don’t you yell at them?” “There are not even any signs! How were we supposed to know?” Of course there are signs. There are signs everywhere. The entrance path is about ¾ of a kilometer for the sole purpose of hoping that you will read all the signs (it is really just two signs repeated many times – in several languages). And, in addition to all the signs and warnings, there is a very clear path one is supposed to walk on. The boundary of this path is a suspended rope. What nimrod that managed to successfully board a plane and make it through customs and immigration without getting shot does not understand what these frackin‘ ropes mean?! Guess what genius? You and your kind are the reason we cannot climb the steps to the top of Chichen Itza anymore. Thanks a lot for that.
– So, I resorted back to headphones before leaving the ruins in an attempt to keep old-cantankerous-bitter-“Get off my lawn you damn kids”-Nick in dormancy at least until the end of my vacation. Those people were much less annoying doing the tourist ballet to ‘Kind of Blue’.
I left the ruins by an alternate route and found Santa Fe Beach. This is one of the Northern beaches that my new friend Yuri liked as well as the beach recommended by one of the great people from Mama’s House, Ilana. I walked along the beach awhile and enjoyed listening to the surf and just digging the different vibe of being on more of a locals’ and backpackers’ beach instead of the packed tourist beach to the south. When it looked like the beach was about to turn rocky, I headed back to the jungle road and made my way back to Mama’s House. I got back about 10:30 and had plenty of time to shower and change. Ilana let me put my bags in the house while i went to the bus station to investigate going to Cancun.
I got a first class bus (these have a bathroom!) to Cancun for about 90 pesos. It takes almost three hours to get to the ADO stop in Centro, so I bought a ticket on the 2:30 bus, hoping that would leave me time to catch R1 to the Hotel Zone and get set-up before dark.
Traveling Equipment Part 2 –
Footwear – I wore my super light running shoes on the plane and carried my crocs in the suitcase. Having both of these was awesome. At the Barcelo Maya! I was not sure that I could have gotten in to all the various restaurants if crocs were my only footwear. Outside of the Barcelo Maya! I had some seriously long walks that were much nicer in a more supportive shoe.
Velcro – I bought a pack of 5 or 6, 5 inch velcro strips from Wal-Mart for various uses in backpacking. I brought two of these with me and used them to carry my crocs around. It was simple and quick to lash the crocs to my shoulder bag, freeing my hands while walking barefoot on the beach/in the surf. This also worked as a nice means of bringing my crocs along on all day missions to the beach/town several miles from the hotel.
Clothes – here I did well. I travelled in jeans and brought one pair of Dockers (again for the restaurant/night-life options) and used both of these to great effect. I had one pair of zip-off hiking pants along and they too worked out well (though I only zipped the pant legs on one time). I had two long-sleeved shirts: one walking shirt with roll-up sleeves and one standard blue button-up. Both of these were good choices. There were enough cool-cold nights that having more than one long-sleeved shirt was nice. I did bring too many handkerchiefs and socks. Two of each would have been fine instead of the 4 or 5 of each I had along. The four quick-dry shirts I brought were fantastic. The area that needed the most improvement was shorts. I had one swimsuit/running shorts combo, one pair of golf shorts, the aforementioned hiking zip-offs, and one pair of cargo shorts along. I found the swimsuit/running shorts for 12 bucks at the nike factory outlet near my house before I left. I wish I had bought 3 pairs and left the other shorts at home. The nike shorts are super light and dry very quickly. That would have been a nice improvement.
This was my third ride on the Collectivo, and the first time I had to wait for an extended period of time to catch one. The stop was right across the highway from my hotel and it did take about 45 minutes before the right one came along. Most of the vans that stopped were local traffic and did not go as far as Tulum. Eventually a big bus pulled up. I asked the driver if he went to Tulum and he said yes. 30 pesos. Light air-conditioning. Big nice soft seat. It was a good ride.
I had a little more information about how to find my pension hotel than I had for the trek to Playacar. I had a little map and some directions from both the bus station and the post office. The bus I was on stopped at the main bus station so I thought this would be no problem. 30 minutes later, it was clear to me that my map was inaccurate. I stopped for a cervaca and asked a guy how to find the post office.
This led me to the other side of the main highway and I walked for another 40 minutes or so. I knew I was close. I could feel it, but I could not find the place. Also, once you leave the main road, there are no more street signs, so it is difficult to locate a particular intersection. I also never found the post office. I had just about given up. I was heading back to the main road to catch a taxi – even though it would only be like a 4 or 5 block ride, I needed to find my new home and take a shower.
I decided to ask in a little corner store. They had no english and my spanish is rather limited. After asking about the location of the intersection got me nowhere – I mentioned the name of the hostel. I thought it would do no good. If they had no english, what would “Mama’s House” mean to them? But they did know it – it was actually across the street.
From my room - that's the corner market!
The people at Mama’s House are fantastic – both the staff and the other travelers. My room is perfect, breakfast has been super, drinking water and the internet are free, and they fixed a special evening meal to celebrate new year’s. I told them I was vegetarian when I arrived and they have been great about that. The first breakfast was toast and an apple. Very fine, and more than I expected since the staff was still up partying when I went to bed at 3 AM. The second day was soft tortillas filled with chocolate and bananas. Today was eggs with onions and some kind of green bean, re-fried beans, toast and an apple. For the celebration meal they made the rice plain and had a huge dish of sauteed veggies.
View of my simple but delightful room
I had gone out to eat before hand because I was hungry and I did not yet know how they would respond to the needs of a vegetarian. But I wanted to be social and eat something since they had gone through the trouble. All the guests were in the courtyard, as well as the staff and some family friends. I sat in one of the few empty seats near the end of the line of tables that were pushed together for the occasion, and this was another fantastic accident in a long line of beautiful chance encounters that this trip has presented to me. The people I sat with were super. We had a really nice time talking together.
Near midnight, Mama, Ilana, brought out a tray with many cups filled with sparkling wine and 12 grapes each. We turned on the tv for the countdown. They ring the bell 12 times at midnight, and you are supposed to eat one grape each time the bell sounds, and then drink your wine when you finish the grapes. This was not an easy task. It would have been difficult anyway, but these were huge grapes and seeded. I made it through three with the bells and then had to slow down. A few people made it through all 12 “on time”. There was lots of hugging and smiling and some nice salsa dancing. It was a beautiful way to ring in the new year. I do not know where the tradition comes from – some of the guests were European, some Greek, some Mexican, some from other South American locations – but many people formed a circle and poured shots of Rum into a plastic cup. The game was to pick up the glass and take the shot without using your hands. I sat that one out and just watched – but it was fun all the same. It was like some reverse limbo game.
Around 6 of the guests were headed to the beach for late night party action. My new friend Yuri was going with them and they strongly encouraged me to go as well. I was actually amazed that I even saw midnight and opted out of that trip. I know they had a great time (we did not see Yuri again for almost two days – so you know he had a good time hanging with the beach people).
I still have more exploring to do. I have walked to the beach and for a long distance headed south. People tell me that the beach to the north is different both ecologically and in terms of the sorts of crowds that choose to go there. I have not explored the town much yet and I do intend to go look at the pottery today.
I have spent the evenings with Yuri’s family and had a fantastic time talking with them. It is really amazing to me that this is the second time in one trip that I have met a collection of 5 other people and really liked them all together and individually. That never happens to me. But I have a new family (also 5 people) in North Carolina now through the Barcelo Maya! I have two great Canadian friends also from the Barcelo Maya! And now another new family in Washington State.
Maybe it is more “me” than even I suspect. I have been pretty closed off for several years now. Some of it was culture shock at being back in America after so much time abroad. Some of it was my inability to really share or talk about my experiences overseas because I had not internally reconciled the difficulties I faced personally and in business. But, I also just do not often meet many people that I feel that deep internal resonance with. Hopefully you will recognize what I am attempting to describe. When you connect with someone and your spirits seem to hum or harmonize together and you get so excited when you talk together that you can feel it like a chemical release in your brain and your blood and you get tingly, or sparkly.
I could count the number of people I have ever felt that way about on my hands and toes. For the people that i still feel that way about, I do not need both feet. And now, on one trip I have found that thing with at least 8 more people. I have enjoyed everyone, but you do not get sparkly with every person. And 8! That is an amazing number to me. 8 in a lifetime would be fantastic. 8 in one trip – 8 in one 3 week trip – it is astounding.
Anyway, I am having a lovely time. I will probably write some more today, but I thought it would be best to go ahead and get some updates out there.
Some Random Notes from Yesterday –
Traveling Equipment –
I did a pretty good job packing for this trip. I have used everything that I brought with me, which is nice. I do still wish that I had less stuff, but I am not sure what I would choose to leave behind. For weight considerations, a transition to the iPad would have been a good move. That would have cut down significantly by replacing my 15” MacBook Pro and 6 Mass Market paperbacks, one hardback, and a heavy Trade Paperback.
The Most Useful Items:
Dictionario! This should be one of the obvious, self explanatory items like ‘sunscreen’, but most of the people I have seen do not have one.
The really thin plastic bags you put your veggies in at the grocery store – I brought 6 or 7 of those. The main purpose is for paper back books. I figured this one out many years ago. If you put your books in a thin bag, it is much less likely the they will be damaged in your suitcase on the plane, or in your shoulder bag as you trek around town/beach.
Quart sized Freezer bags! I brought about 25 with me and they have been invaluable – keeping things organized in my shoulder bag, protecting items from sand, water, rain.
25 feet of really light hiking cord for a clothesline – great cord, easy to tie half hitches to quickly vary the tension and drop of the line. Reflective! I just brought the line with me and bought clothespins here for cheap.
My new suitcase. I got a Delsey hard-sided (though still flexible) case that qualifies as carry-on. The zipper is good and “self-repairing” and the case seems water-proof. The wheels and handle are quite sturdy and have definitely been put through the paces on this trip. It did great on the 2 mile trek around Akumal over mixed pavement, stone, and dirt paths. It did great on my strange 3 mile trek through Playa Del Carmen trying to get from the Collectivo dump point in Centro to my hotel in Playacar. It has a built-in TSA approved lock which has been great. I have not had a safe everywhere, and have not used them where available. I do agree with the arguments for using the safes, but you still have to have faith in the staff. Someone on staff knows how to open the safe and re-set the lock. When I leave the room, I put my computer backpack inside the suitcase and lock that. Sure, someone can take the whole suitcase, but that is more conspicuous and you can only spend so much time worrying about your gear.
Technical Side Note – I have been using Pages ® on this trip instead of Word ® and I like it. It does all the stuff that I like in Word, but much less of the automated tasks and auto-formatting that I do not like in Word. I imagine that I will still have to use Word for collaboration on work projects, but for my personal use, Pages wins. The button to toggle into full screen mode is awesome!
I just re-read yesterday’s writing and it is not as rough as I expected. I was weeping by the end as I wrote it, but not so moved when I read it today. But the way those passages came on me was so natural and visceral I was open to a cascade of emotion and guilt. I think it is part of our natural defense to keep us from being constantly overwhelmed and incapacitated by exposure to suffering. A switch goes off in your head and you get back to whatever it was you were doing before (unless the maids and guests and children are all yelling outside your paper thin door in the echo chamber that is your new hotel – Oh Compassionate Buddha – I miss the Barcelo Maya!).
I will come back to the global social/political tar-baby in a bit. For now, on with the chronicles. Back to December 25th…
On my way back to the tourist section of Playa Del Carmen, I passed by Cristi Fer’s place just to see it and verify that it was where I thought it would be. It was there. I went back to 100% Natural and had a great experience. The people were very nice, the atmosphere is very relaxing, and the food was pretty good. I had some kind of fruity smoothie thing (The California if you also checked out the menu) and the Enchiladas Vegetarianas. I was pleased when my guy brought out some appetizers – because I was ravenous. Four thickly cut slices of multigrain bread, a green chile salsa and a yogurt with some mild spice in it, and marinated peppers, onions, and potatoes. Very nice flavors and combinations of hot and cool.
I was a little bit underwhelmed by the enchiladas. They were fine. They were better than some of the food at the Barcelo Maya! But it was a little bland and a whole lot of yogurt and no discernible beany-tofu-y sort of protein. I do not remember what it said on the menu, and I do not believe that they made it incorrectly. In my head, I was prepared for Mexican style enchiladas without meat. Anyway, it was good, and I could tell that there was no meat contamination. I ended the meal by pouring the rest of the salsa and yogurt onto my plate and soaking it all up with the last of the bread. Reasonably sized meal, trending to the larger side, and a very big (and excellent) fruit drink – about $140 pesos. Not bad. I had free breakfast at the hotel. I snacked on Japones and bananas in my room for dinner.
After having a successful meal, solid knowledge of at least one safe place to eat, and a really long walk (about 8 miles) I headed back to the hotel and did many loads of sink laundry, with the local Tide® – Ace®. My quick dry stuff goes on the lines I have set-up in the bathroom, and the iron and ironing board replace the dryer for heavier fabrics. After the several minor trials and challenges of re-locating from the Barcelo Maya! to Playacar the day before, it felt great to have clean, dry (or soon to be) clothes and a full belly.
Soon to come, though doubtfully in this order:
some events from Barcelo Maya! And a note on comparisons between all-inclusive and pay-as-you-go (though not until after I get to Tulum – so, next year)
the transition from Barcelo Maya! to Playacar – highlights include my first (and second) trip in the real Collectivo, going to the wrong town first and walking a few miles there, getting dumped in the center of locals’ downtown Playa Del Carmen, finding an oasis of salvation at…Dominos Pizza.
Sunday in Playacar – I accidentally re-discover that caffeine is a drug, and I don’t like it. Second trip to 100% Natural and, a neat little dive bar with some excellent and helpful staff.
The internet in Mexico and how to defeat some of the log-in systems (it is really easy)
Adios! I am off to meet Cristi Fer and learn some more from her about local vegetarian eating!
